Is dating in Seattle so different than any other major city in the United States? I have lived in Seattle, Chicago, New York, Los Angeles and Boston. These five cities not only have baseball and football teams, but they have a lot of cool and diverse people that have relocated to live there. These beautiful cities also offer a lot of dating opportunities for singles, but what do they have in Dating Common?
Before I answer that question, I’m going to address something that has been shared with us over and over again. Strangers and clients of Guys And Girls Next Door alike have shared with us how difficult it is to date in Seattle. That people are not friendly. That something happens to people when they move here. Their experience is so palpable that they have given it a name. They call it the ‘Seattle Freeze.’
What is the Seattle Freeze? I looked for a definition on Wikipedia and could not find it. Let me see if I can describe it. It’s when you say ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’ to a complete stranger in Seattle and the person looks at you like you have two heads and eight arms. The stranger that you just said ‘hello’ freezes up like a deer looking into headlights. They literally freeze – not sure what to say or do. They may even make an unintentional facial expression that may make you feel bad that you even said hello. Worse yet, the person may walk away in a state of shock and update their online status on Facebook or Twitter to 300 or so of their friends saying the following: ‘I just told a creeper to leave me alone.’
Have you experienced the Seattle Freeze? Did you receive it or give it? I know that you know that I am exaggerating my point here a little bit, but people freezing up is not unusual. They are just in a state of shock that someone actually talked to them because the 40,000+ people from Microsoft have been behind the computer all day working on Windows 7 or Bing; the 76,000+ people working at Boeing building airplanes or the next 787, or the 4,000+ employees at Amazon developing the next amazing logistics/distribution system and ensuring that the Kindle is distributed globally using their amazing distribution system.
I don’t have the research to prove it, but I am willing to bet that a lot of these jobs require people to spend a lot of time behind a computer – developing code, inventing new things, designing or redesigning software, hardware, or mechanical equipment. What would happen if you spend 40+ a week behind a computer or 2080+ (one year of working full time) hours a year behind a computer? Let’s face it. People in Seattle do freeze up a little bit, but it is not the end of the world.
What if I were to tell you that every city has, in my opinion, its own Seattle Freeze? Yup! I believe that every city has its own culture and dating norm. Allow me to provide you some context. Lets start with Los Angeles.
Los Angeles. I remember living there and signing up for a beach volleyball class and hearing how impossible it is to meet someone new. People would say: everyone is so superficial – that you can’t date anyone with substance. People work out, go shopping, drive fancy cars, go to cocktail parties, yada yada, yada… everyone is just trying to get a leg up in the entertainment industry.
Chicago. I was only there for a few months, but long enough to hear the phrase – everyone in Chicago is so Midwest nice. Whoa! Yup. You get invited to come over and watch football, have a beer on a deck, go to a baseball game, but everyone is so Midwest nice. In other words, everyone is so friendly, you get invited over to barbeques, but when you leave the barbeque, your personality gets shredded to pieces. In brief, people will smile, be friendly, but like a Seinfeld episode, it can be pretty much a conversation about nothing.
New York. This is where it gets super interesting. The common phrase from women: the guys here are so aggressive; from men: the women are all stuck up. Women would complain how they could not go anywhere without being harassed by men. Men will complain that women don’t want to talk with them. Women, that you can’t go to a bar lounge without someone hitting on you or making a romantic pass at you. Uggh!
Boston. This is my hometown. I love Boston. There are 85 private colleges and universities in Boston. Note here that I did not say public. There are 85 private colleges and universities and, if you think about tuition and room and board, that means that on average each student pays $32,000 a year to go to school. So, take the wealthiest people from all over the world and place them in one city and that is Boston for you. People in Boston don’t freeze. On the contrary, they are direct, but the conversation starts like this: Where do you live? Where did you go to school? What do you do? If it sounds a little invasive, it can be if you did not go to school there.
Every city has its own version of the Seattle Freeze. The one thing that we all have in common is that everyone, at one point in time, was a stranger. That’s right. I can almost guarantee to you that if you are a busy single or professional you will always be, at one point in time or another, a stranger. Let’s think about that for a minute. Do you remember when you first went to summer camp? Studied overseas? First went to college? Moved to a new neighborhood? Started your career? Took a new class?
Now, let’s look to the future? Will you move to a new neighborhood? Get a new job? Relocate to a new city? Take a new class? Join a (kickball) team? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you will be a stranger again. That is what we have in Dating Common. We all have in Dating Common that we are all strangers, will be strangers and will meet strangers. Next time you meet a stranger, extend your hand, smile and reply by saying: hi, I am great, thank you, my name is…, what is your name?
Angel and Mary Starks, co-founder of GND, will have a weekly radio show starting next year on 1150Am KKNW Progressive Talk Radio. It will air every Sunday night at 9 p.m. and feature authors, dating experts, and dating and relationship stories. People can call in on Sunday nights at 9 p.m. Pacific Time at (425) 373-5527.
