Angel Cruzado
We will change lives at Guys And Girls Next Door by ensuring that all of our members are open, honest, and transparent with each other and themselves. Is this even remotely possible? I truly believe that most people wake up every day wanting to be open, honest, and transparent with each other and themselves. However, when you introduce judgment into the equation, things change. People change. It changes everything.
How did I get to this point? I had a great human resources career at Microsoft making a six digit salary. I lived in an updated 1930s condominium in an awesome neighborhood, I have an eclectic group of friends from around the world, and a great education from the University of Wisconsin – Madison and Bentley University.
I came across these three words – open, honest, and transparent – when I realized in the summer of 2008 that I was in an on and off committed relationship and I was not being open, honest, and transparent with myself. If I could not be open, honest, and transparent with myself, then how could I possibly be open, honest and transparent in a committed relationship?
My path to be in a loving committed relationship today was not an easy path. Let me explain. In reviewing my new year’s resolutions for 2008, I realized that I wanted to do something completely different. I wanted to step outside of my comfort zone. How would I accomplish this? This was the reoccurring question I would ask my friends in Seattle and around the world. Would I change jobs? Move to a new city? Travel the world? Or could I accomplish this in Seattle by simply doing something completely new?
On February 29, 2008, a leap year, I showed up to Gas Works to run with Team in Training. I signed up to run my first marathon. At that point, I had never even run a half marathon, let alone a 26.2 mile full marathon. I became part of a team a Team in Training tasked to raise $1,200 to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. I signed up for an event in honor of all individuals who were battling blood cancers. That was how I stepped outside of my comfort zone.
Fast forward four months later after training daily in sun, rain, snow, sleet, rain, and hail… yes, I said hail, and learning the difference that socks, vaseline, good running shorts – ouch , iPod with comedy, and sneakers can make when training… I started to step outside of my comfort zone. I had no choice. This was tough, but it was only the beginning. I was making adjustments weekly on my training regimen. I was choosing what to give up and not to give up. Saturdays were our long distance run days. As such, giving up some of my Friday evenings was especially difficult to me as I was beginning to enjoy the social aspect of developing unique friendships with my eclectic friends. I learned to give up my favorite drink: Jack Daniels and Diet Coke.
Seattle Seafair 2008 Marathon
Marathon
The marathon was scheduled for Sunday, June 29. I was sleep deprived. I must have slept maybe 6 -7 hours since Friday night because of the excitement of running my first marathon – a long and demanding undertaking. On Sunday morning I woke up at 3:45 a.m. and prepared myself emotionally, mentally, and physically for the challenge ahead. I met my team at 5 a.m. at Bellevue Park where we chatted, compared notes, wrote our names on our shirts so people could yell our names, safety pinned gels to our shorts, and boarded buses with people from all walks of life who have been preparing for their long and demand undertaking – their marathon.
We arrived on Husky Stadium at 6 a.m. where there people similar to myself were preparing to run a ½ marathon or a full marathon. The lines to each of the bathrooms were 25 – 30 people deep. As such, I waited in line for 20 minutes, went to the bathroom, and then went back in line and waited another 25 minutes to go to the bathroom again… just in case. This was great advise as I saw people in bushes, going to gas stations, or just (you can imagine) trying to go anywhere they can throughout the race.
At 7:15 a.m. the horn blows and it took me about 5 minutes to get to the start line. It was purely amazing to see walkers, joggers, and runners
520 Bridge | Seattle Marathon
from all walks of life running together in a sea of people over the 520 bridge. The first 12 miles I ran at a very comfortable pace. I was not looking to break records and ran a 12 minute mile or so. I was mentally literally ‘stopping to smell the roses.’ I ran with my teammates, but lost them in the first water station when we crossed the 520 bridge. I felt extremely comfortable for the first 12 miles of the race. I would mirror my experience to everyday life… getting a cup of coffee, going to work, hanging out with friends, etc. On the 12 mile marker something happened that I was not expecting, 90 percent of the people around me were either running a ½ mile or not running a marathon because of the weather conditions (85 – 91 degrees) throughout the course with no cloud in site. This made the marathon a bigger challenge as the odds were against us as the best conditions to run a marathon is in cooler fall type of climate (in the 60s).
On the 12 mile marker I veered right while all the other 90% of the runners ran to the ½ marathon finish line. I had maybe 3 or 4 runners in front of me and behind me. I was alone. The feeling is similar to coming to a new city and not knowing anyone. At this point I started to become vulnerable. I was looking for support. I was attempting to make a connection with myself as I could no longer connect with people around me. I remember saying ‘hello’ to everyone I saw just like when I first moved to Seattle. At this point I turned on my iPod looking to connect to music, but knew that the battle had just begun. The longest distance I have ever run competitively was a 5K or 3.2 miles.
At the 13.15 mile mark I was emotionally lifted because I completed, technically speaking of course, my first ½ marathon. It was an important achievement that marked the halfway mark of my first marathon. Between miles 13 – 20 I was confident that I would complete my first marathon, but my experience was being shaped by experience in now, finally, reflecting on my life. I was reaching a pivotal point as this is what I was looking for, an opportunity to explore my life as I see it today under sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and a harsh sun under hilly road conditions. I began to explore my life in layers – friends, family, relationships, work, etc. It was overwhelming. I can describe the experience as pure, uninhibited, and learning that all limitations in life are self-imposed.
On mile 20 – 23 I ran from Bellevue through Kirkland. I could feel leg cramps coming on when I slowed down. As such, it was important to stay at the pace that I was running. It was almost like my body was telling my mind that you are not done exploring your life — to continue to explore at your most vulnerable point in time in the race my life. I had no choice. I thought a lot about my life, about work, about my friends, but to be extremely candid my ability to be open, honest, and transparent with myself and my history in committed relationships. I thought about the choices I made when we were together, how I reacted to conflicts, and my ability to be vulnerable. My feelings and experience were completely focused on what is it that I can do to be a better person in my life, at work, with my friends, and in a committed relationship.
At mile 23 my manager came out to meet me. I was beat. I was in another world. Work has always been an important part of my life and the main reason why I have relocated every three years or so. I was glad that a part of my work, finally, was supporting my self-discovery. As I passed the 23 mile marker I began to think about what I can do differently. The feeling is described as being in a near death experience, but knowing you were going to make it. If I could re-live my life, what would I do differently? What choices have I made? Where am I today? Where am I going? And so on?
Between miles 23 – 25 I was starting to rewire myself mentally and emotionally. My mind and body were in sync. I was digging deep. I was forgiving people and family members so I could again love and connect. Throughout this process I began to recall people that have shaped my life experiences and began to look forward to explore my life with those who care about me and those who I really care about. I began to reflect on the friendships I have developed and the people I have dated. Throughout the race I was supported with people who used their lawn sprinklers to cool down the runners, and volunteers who provided us with water and glucose power gels. This feeling was equivalent to the friends that I have and how we support each other on a regular basis.
Marathon Results
On mile 25 I was an emotional wreck… my body had taken the biggest beating under the worst conditions possible. I was jogging, but felt like I was not going anywhere. It was like being on a treadmill. On mile 25.5 mile mark I could see the finish line, I knew I was going to make it. As I got closer to the finish line I saw a close friend pull up next to me and start to run on the sidelines. At the 26.2 mile mark I saw my friends at the finish line – Hilaria, Claudia and Regina. Not sure how long they were they where there, but it took me 5 hours and 30 minutes to complete the race.
Marathon After Effects
I turned inward, reconciled previous friendships, relationships, and included people that I excluded for self preservation purposes. I was now vulnerable. I made a personal commitment to be open, honest, and transparent with myself. Instead of focusing on others, I focused on myself. I allowed others in. I reprioritized work, family, friends, and my interest in being in a committed relationship. It was not easy as I learned that my Amazing Race to Change Lives had only begun. On October 1, 2009 I will start a new social matchmaking company that will take online dating offline and help people Meet People… Not Their Profiles.
Thank you for reading and for your trust in the referral of your single family, friends, and business colleagues as we work together to make each other great and keep ourselves open, honest, and transparent.
